scary sundays
in this email: thoughts on individualism and dreading turning 30. i scream about justin bieber a little too. it's all a little chaotic today.
happy (?) sunday (?) I recently discovered ‘blursday’ as a 2020 oxford dictionary word — even though I hate it as much as ‘unprecedented,’ it does very accurately describe every day except for sunday, which always stands out as the Day of So Much Potential that Inevitably Ends with Dread. to my friends in school, best of luck wrapping up finals & this semester!!!
also, for the holidays I’m trying to shop small and encourage you to do so too. here’s some places I’ve shopped at or received gifts from that I recommend in case you’re looking: tinymade earrings, fran’s hause jewelry (50% off everything right now!), eva malley prints & apparel, and cloth & paper stationary. I also plan on checking out from the people (thanks anna for the rec!), an Indigenous marketplace.
lastly: thanks to all the lovely people who replied to my last email and sent me tons of things to chew on!!! many of them are in the recommendations below and also inspired me to form New Thoughts which was much appreciated. <3333
individualism is a disease in america
in america, the individual is everything — the superhero in the marvel movie that single-handedly saves the world through sheer ability and grit; the ever-present ‘pull yourself up by the bootstraps narrative’; the adoration of celebrities and individual skill. individualism is at the core of the american and capitalist experience. the trick that we tell ourselves is, as individuals, we have the power to change whatever we want to change; we can become the next kim k, or the next bill gates, if only we try hard enough. failing to do so lies with the individual, and not with society.
nothing has better laid bare just how wrong this narrative is than covid, where individualism is quite literally killing us: it allows for people to insist that as an individual, you should have the choice of being selfish and not wear a mask, or the choice to put others at risk. as a result, america has hit over 13 million covid cases, an unfathomable number to countries where community-based cultures encourage individuals to consider each other (what a concept!).
(note: I literally read and re-read the first clause of the last paragraph and it still looks grammatically wrong I’m so sorry)
but still, individualism remains insidiously buried in american culture: personally, it’s very hard to shake off. even concepts like self-care remain highly individualistic in america; instead of telling people to “fall back on your community” it’s “you don’t owe anyone shit! ignore your texts! prioritize yourself! sit in a hot bath and drink wine!”
individualism has also enabled the rise of influencers and influencer culture. social media has made it possible for people to gain mass popularity off of their personality, appearance, or lifestyle alone, while more people seem to ‘make it’ than ever before (or even semi-make it: 10k followers is enough to make some $$$), millions more are left yearning. impressionable pre-teens now dream of the day that their tiktok blows up and they’re considered the “main character,” a “heather,” someone who “deserves more fame than charli” — all ways of saying that this individual deserves their flowers as the newest Z-list celebrity. rather than democratize celebrity culture, social media seems to have even more engrained it as a goal for everyone to be the shining, marketable, and branded version of themselves: dog mom, lover of walks, podcast listener, roller skater, obsessed with coffee … all the while absorbing large amounts of data on what everyone else likes to see in other people, and what character traits to absorb in order to become that Individual who in turn can exert influence on others.
fun tweet to break up the text. thankz to anson for sending me this one
I’m guilty of wanting to brand myself and evoke a certain image: this newsletter is no exception. but when I was a pre-teen and teenager, fame was nothing more than a pipe-dream and a wish that people in my school liked me: not a wish that millions of people followed and copied my every move.
the new idea of having a personal brand is not only extremely tantalizing as a way of avoiding identity crises, but also becoming somewhat of a necessity in many professional circles. in journalism, for example, ‘influencer’ journalists are making huge waves by jumping ship: ezra klein from vox to the new york times, ben smith from buzzfeed to the new york times, kara swisher from the wall street journal to the new york times — oops, maybe this is more of a niche complaint about the looming monolith of the new york times than a complaint about influencers. if you’re not into journalism, just think about your communities and the people who have become the Stars in that field: cherished and looked up to as icons, mini-celebrities amidst normal people.
we’ve heard about the male gaze, but what about the public gaze? for me, it follows me everywhere: I wonder if I should film my mom cooking food, a palatable recipe for a mostly-white tiktok audience to potentially ogle over; I post my rollerskating progress to my close friends story in a facsimile of personal connection, when in reality it’s the only motivation I have to go outside; I dress nicely for once and immediately reach for my phone camera to document the occasion.
but here’s the question: if everyone’s the ‘main character,’ who are the side characters? how can we begin cultivating community when everyone’s obsessed with cultivating themselves first and foremost?
fun meme related to a prior newsletter that anna sent me! also a nice meme to distract you from the fact that I have no idea how to conclude my rant but here’s graphic design frog
does anyone else see 30 as the end of themselves as they know it
this isn’t a rant as much as a question: is anyone else terrified of turning 30? losing a year of being in my 20s (and potentially more than that… *aggressive knock on wood*) has definitely enhanced this fear: I feel a sense of constant, minor FOMO that I’m somehow not doing enough/working enough/learning enough/earning enough/looking hot enough for my age. to be honest, I feel like I have mentally matured in some ways, but in other ways I still feel ? like maybe 18? when I was 18 I felt 15? wondering if this is just how everyone feels and no one says it out loud. when I bought roller skates I had several moments of doubt where I wondered if I was “too old” to do that, which 1) sounds ridiculous in hindsight and 2) coughing up Adult Money for roller skates was way more money than I originally thought, making me side-eye the sheer number of tiktok teens who are sporting $250+ skates.
anyways, I never really felt these fears in college, so I wonder if it’s related to my mental image of someone who is a Professional: stoic, with polite, adult hobbies like wine-tasting and playing golf — not someone who just spent money on pastel graphic liner and roller skates. I’m sure part of it has to do with a society that hates women who age and who look “old,” and part of it has to do with the large amount of fear I have around “settling down” and becoming, well, less of an Individual. (all of my fears tie in together like a nice bow on the biggest pile of shit around!)
tiny rant about the grammys
okay I’ve already complained very loudly about this to several people, and for fear of contradicting literally everything I said about the toxicity of celebrity culture, I’ll keep this short. I CAN’T BELIEVE YUMMY GOT NOMINATED FOR GRAMMYS AHHHHHH CAN’T BELIEVE JUSTIN BIEBER HAD THE AUDACITY TO COMPLAIN HIS MUSIC ISN’T R&B AHHHHHH AND THEY REALLY PASSED OVER CHLOEXHALLE FOR ALBUM OF THE YEAR…. THEY PASSED OVER RINA SAWAYAMA…. THEY PASSED OVER MAGDALENE (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) … PAIN
~reading~ recommendations, many from y’all!
you should read “welcome to your bland new world,” a very in-depth and visually engaging look at “blands”: direct-to-consumer companies that have sprung up in almost every industry and largely prey on the desire for individuals to be Different and self-focused in their consumption habits. it’s such an interesting read, and points out a trend that has been building over the years with the success of companies like the dollar shave club and warby parker, crescendoing into the birth of a million vitamin prescription boxes and “personalized” self-care. the question that I wish the author explored more, and which you should send me your thoughts on: are D2C brands necessarily worse than what we had before? is it more harmful for companies to follow this identikit of ~general social awareness~ and pretend to host respect for the individual, as opposed to the distant, corporate Walmarts and Microsofts out there?
you should read “‘emily in paris’ and the rise of ambient tv" (shout-out to anson for the recommendation!) if you’re like me and have always been wholly incapable of watching ‘serious’ tv and movies, preferring to stick to re-watching gossip girl for the 5th time or soporific, superficial productions like emily in paris, this new yorker breaks down the habit and its massive popularity in america. a great line on why this trend might be more bad than good: “The ambience of ambient TV is often predicated on homogeneity; any diversity or discordance would disrupt the smooth, lulling surface.” did I watch the entirety of emily in paris in two nights though? yes. it was for gabriel. sorry austin.
you should read “the challenge of combating fake news in Asian American communities,” which highlights a problem that many immigrant families (asian and not) face: the heady mix of language barriers, pre-existing prejudices, and fake news. straightforward article that highlights a little-discussed, emerging problem.
in preparation for even more sunday scaries, you should check out the advice in salty’s “s.a.d. girl vibes how one depressed person is preparing for winter”. (thanks 2 gabby for the recommendation to check out salty, another independent publication!)
please continue to send me your recommendations! in the meantime, peace, luv, and stay warm,
christina